show.

All I've been doing in my spare time is staring at my slideshow and watching what pictures come up with the words of the song.
I'm infatuated with watching it.
and finding more pictures to add to it.

Ok back to the slideshow...

me.

Take time to realize...
I am on your side.

It's been a while since I've written in my own words.
I've been plagiarizing from others
it's easier sometimes to express thoughts
when others can do it so easily and in such a poetic manner
it's almost like,
words put together can mean so many different things
so I choose what I want them to mean to me
and I use them.
Instead of my own.
I don't feel as creative when I write for myself.

But it can be that simple.

Like, for example, how can I express my feelings on the difference between being dissapointed, and just feeling hurt?

To me, dissapointment is huge. It means letting someone down. It's almost intentional, a cover up, knowing and doing one thing, but not revealing the truth.

I know this will hurt you. I know this is what I should not do, but I will do it anyway and hope you don't find out, and act like nothing is wrong.

It means to let someone down. While knowing you can change it, stop it, but continue nonetheless.

Feelings being hurt, because of situations that are beyond our control, are not intentional. Unplanned. planning something on the wrong date, not knowing something is important to someone, (although it seem obvious to one person, we are not mind readers) those are temporary and can be worked though. Misunderstandings, they can be worked though with honesty, time, support, prayer. Communication. Say what you mean, yes means YES, no means NO! (See? I took words from Pastor Nate again :))

So those are my feelings. and they mean exactly what you think they mean. They don't make good song lyrics, but, it's me.

one.

Did you ever stare at the moon
Til you saw double?

I hear you walk away from touble.

Actions.

"There is no need to promise or swear if you ALWAYS follow through."

-Pastor Nate

Gifts.

I was born to be an encouraging servant. I believe these are my spiritual gifts.

He Loves Us.

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane,
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of
His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.

We are His portion and
He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption
by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns
violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

my angel.

I loved you even before I knew you.
I loved you for as long as I can remember.
The moment I saw you, everything made sense.
That love that is so incredible, it's almost like it can't possibly exist.
it does.
And it's yours.
You will grow up,
you will abuse my love for you
But it will never change.
You are my constant wordly companion and I will do everything I can for you.
My daughter.
Ramey Jones.
My beautiful daughter.

Disturb Us.

"Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves.
When our dreams have come true because we dreamed too little.
When we arrive safely because we have sailed too close to the shore.
Disturb us, Lord."
-Sir Francis Drake

No more wandering. No more emptiness. No more searching.

change.

You,
It's different now.
I can be strong, I can be me.
I am learning who that is.
It's hard,
It's scary,
It's a journey that can only be my own.

But you,
you are on your own new journey.
I can see that.
and our lives have come back together
and it's different.

It's stronger, because I am stronger.
I am finding me.
I am finding God.
I am letting Him in and He is changing my life.
The Darkness...
...Light is peering in
I can see the glimmer
it's there!

And I want you to be there to see it!
And you want to be there too.
That is wonderful.
And I believe it,
so...
until...
tomorrow!

Reservations.

How can I convince you it's me I don't like
And not be so indifferent to the look in your eyes
When I've always been distant
And I've always told lies for love

I'm bound by these choices so hard to make
I'm bound by the feeling so easy to fake
None of this is real
Enough to take me from you

Oh I've got reservations
About so many things
But not about you

I know this isn't what you were wanting me to say
How can I get closer and be further away
When the truth
Proves it's beautiful to lie

Oh I've got reservations
About so many things
But not about you

It's not about you.

Ballad.

Love writes a letter and sends it to hate.
“My vacations ending I’m coming home late.”
“The weather was fine and the ocean was great.”
“And I can’t wait to see you again.”

Hate reads the letter and throws it away.
“No one here cares if you go or you stay.”
“I barely even noticed that you were away.”
“I’ll see you or I won’t, whatever.”

Love sings a song as she sails through the sky.
The water looks bluer through her pretty eyes.
And everyone knows it whenever she flies.
And also when she comes down.

Hate keeps his head up and walks through the street.
Every stranger and drifter he greets.
And shakes hands with every loner he meets
with a serious look on his face.

Love arrives safely with suitcase in toe.
Carrying with her the good things we know.
A reason to live and a reason to grow
To trust, to hold, to care

Hate sits alone on the hood of his car
without much regard to the moon or the stars.
Lazily killing the last of a jar
of the strongest stuff you can drink.

Love takes a taxi, a young man drives
As soon he sees her hope fills his eyes.
But tears follow after at the end of the ride.
Cause he might never see her again.

Hate gets home lucky to still be alive.
He screams over the sidewalk and into the drive.
The clock in the kitchen says two fifty five
And the clock in the kitchen is slow.

Love has been waiting patient and kind.
Just wanting a phone call or some kind of sign.
That the one that she cares for who’s out of his mind
Will make it back safe to her arms.

Hate stumbles forward and leans in the door.
Weary head hung down, eyes to the floor
He says, “Love I’m sorry” and she says, “What for?”
“I’m yours and that’s it, whatever”
“I should not have been gone for so long”
“I’m yours and that’s it, forever”
“Your mine and that’s it, forever”

tin man.

You can't be like me
But be happy that you can't
I see pain but I don't feel it
I am like the old tin man

I'm as warm as a stone
I keep it steady as I can
I see pain but I don't feel it
I am like the old tin man

I miss that, I miss that, oh, I miss that feeling of feeling

I used to feel the sky around
With happiness and joy
I had news to give the wind
To keep my cells and heart employed

I felt people move around me
I felt loneliness and shame
Back then every day was different
Now each moment is the same

I miss that, I miss that, oh, I miss that feeling of feeling
I miss that, I miss that, oh, I miss that feeling of feeling
The feeling of feeling

The wind above my face
And carrying what it brings this way
The feeling of feeling
The minutes pass away
And carrying what I do with them
Maybe bring me love or something else

And so it goes, a man grows cold
Some would say a man grows strong
They say life only grows short
I say the road only grows long

But as long as there's a road
My feet will never touch the ground
And if you won't give my heart back
I've no need to stick around

I miss that, I miss that, oh, I miss that feeling of feeling
I miss that, I miss that, oh, I miss that feeling of feeling
The feeling of feeling
The feeling of feeling

3.

I just realized
I will wake up
Alone
on my daughter's 3rd birthday.
and that hurts.

headfulness of empty

My mind
is unable to think
anymore

How did this happen?

There is nothing
nothing left

in this mind

that used to be so positive

and sure

even about the unsure

Mentally, I can not think

anymore

sunken

There's rows and rows of houses
With windows painted blue
With the light from a TV
Running parallel to you

But there is no sunken treasure
Rumored to be
Wrapped inside my ribs
In a sea black with ink

I am so
Out of tune
With you

I am so out of tune
With you

If I had a mountain
I'd try to fold it over
If I had a boat (probably roll over)
You know I'd probably roll over (leave it on the shore)

And I leave it on the shore (leave it for somebody)
I'd leave it for somebody
Surely there's somebody
Who needs it more than me

I am so
Out of tune
With you

I am so out of tune
With you

For all the leaves will burn
In autumn fires and then return
For all the fires we burn
All will return

-Wilco.