For that beautiful light to shine apon me...as Eternity invades...

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

change.

You,
It's different now.
I can be strong, I can be me.
I am learning who that is.
It's hard,
It's scary,
It's a journey that can only be my own.

But you,
you are on your own new journey.
I can see that.
and our lives have come back together
and it's different.

It's stronger, because I am stronger.
I am finding me.
I am finding God.
I am letting Him in and He is changing my life.
The Darkness...
...Light is peering in
I can see the glimmer
it's there!

And I want you to be there to see it!
And you want to be there too.
That is wonderful.
And I believe it,
so...
until...
tomorrow!


Sunday, April 25, 2010

Reservations.

How can I convince you it's me I don't like
And not be so indifferent to the look in your eyes
When I've always been distant
And I've always told lies for love

I'm bound by these choices so hard to make
I'm bound by the feeling so easy to fake
None of this is real
Enough to take me from you

Oh I've got reservations
About so many things
But not about you

I know this isn't what you were wanting me to say
How can I get closer and be further away
When the truth
Proves it's beautiful to lie

Oh I've got reservations
About so many things
But not about you

It's not about you.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Ballad.

Love writes a letter and sends it to hate.
“My vacations ending I’m coming home late.”
“The weather was fine and the ocean was great.”
“And I can’t wait to see you again.”

Hate reads the letter and throws it away.
“No one here cares if you go or you stay.”
“I barely even noticed that you were away.”
“I’ll see you or I won’t, whatever.”

Love sings a song as she sails through the sky.
The water looks bluer through her pretty eyes.
And everyone knows it whenever she flies.
And also when she comes down.

Hate keeps his head up and walks through the street.
Every stranger and drifter he greets.
And shakes hands with every loner he meets
with a serious look on his face.

Love arrives safely with suitcase in toe.
Carrying with her the good things we know.
A reason to live and a reason to grow
To trust, to hold, to care

Hate sits alone on the hood of his car
without much regard to the moon or the stars.
Lazily killing the last of a jar
of the strongest stuff you can drink.

Love takes a taxi, a young man drives
As soon he sees her hope fills his eyes.
But tears follow after at the end of the ride.
Cause he might never see her again.

Hate gets home lucky to still be alive.
He screams over the sidewalk and into the drive.
The clock in the kitchen says two fifty five
And the clock in the kitchen is slow.

Love has been waiting patient and kind.
Just wanting a phone call or some kind of sign.
That the one that she cares for who’s out of his mind
Will make it back safe to her arms.

Hate stumbles forward and leans in the door.
Weary head hung down, eyes to the floor
He says, “Love I’m sorry” and she says, “What for?”
“I’m yours and that’s it, whatever”
“I should not have been gone for so long”
“I’m yours and that’s it, forever”
“Your mine and that’s it, forever”

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

tin man.

You can't be like me
But be happy that you can't
I see pain but I don't feel it
I am like the old tin man

I'm as warm as a stone
I keep it steady as I can
I see pain but I don't feel it
I am like the old tin man

I miss that, I miss that, oh, I miss that feeling of feeling

I used to feel the sky around
With happiness and joy
I had news to give the wind
To keep my cells and heart employed

I felt people move around me
I felt loneliness and shame
Back then every day was different
Now each moment is the same

I miss that, I miss that, oh, I miss that feeling of feeling
I miss that, I miss that, oh, I miss that feeling of feeling
The feeling of feeling

The wind above my face
And carrying what it brings this way
The feeling of feeling
The minutes pass away
And carrying what I do with them
Maybe bring me love or something else

And so it goes, a man grows cold
Some would say a man grows strong
They say life only grows short
I say the road only grows long

But as long as there's a road
My feet will never touch the ground
And if you won't give my heart back
I've no need to stick around

I miss that, I miss that, oh, I miss that feeling of feeling
I miss that, I miss that, oh, I miss that feeling of feeling
The feeling of feeling
The feeling of feeling

Monday, March 29, 2010

3.

I just realized
I will wake up
Alone
on my daughter's 3rd birthday.
and that hurts.





Thursday, March 25, 2010

headfulness of empty

My mind
is unable to think
anymore

How did this happen?

There is nothing
nothing left

in this mind

that used to be so positive

and sure

even about the unsure

Mentally, I can not think

anymore

Sunday, March 21, 2010

sunken

There's rows and rows of houses
With windows painted blue
With the light from a TV
Running parallel to you

But there is no sunken treasure
Rumored to be
Wrapped inside my ribs
In a sea black with ink

I am so
Out of tune
With you

I am so out of tune
With you

If I had a mountain
I'd try to fold it over
If I had a boat (probably roll over)
You know I'd probably roll over (leave it on the shore)

And I leave it on the shore (leave it for somebody)
I'd leave it for somebody
Surely there's somebody
Who needs it more than me

I am so
Out of tune
With you

I am so out of tune
With you

For all the leaves will burn
In autumn fires and then return
For all the fires we burn
All will return

-Wilco.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

In Our Darkest Hour
In My Deepest Despair
Will You Still Care?
Will You Be There?
In My Trials
And My Tripulations
Through Our Doubts
And Frustrations
In My Violence
In My Turbulence
Through My Fear
And My Confessions
In My Anguish And My Pain
Through My Joy And My Sorrow
In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow
I'll Never Let You Part
For You're Always In My Heart.
-Michael Jackson


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Saturday, March 13, 2010

yes ma'am

You wonder why it is not the same.

It used to be charming.

You say it to others...

It's not so charming anymore.


Friday, March 12, 2010

this day.

Happy Birthday, you.

With out you, my life

oh my life

I can't even think about what my life

would be like

With out

You.



Thursday, March 11, 2010

Graphic.

Shit.

Everywhere I look, I am covered in shit.

I am crawling in it

Every single time I think I can see

a glimmer of light

more shit falls in my face.

where is the light?

when will I be able to be free

to see past this mess

and fall into the river

with clean water

washing over me

washing off all of this heavy, smelly shit

that I have been stuck in for so long.

I am crawling,

gasping for air

and I honestly do not see a way out.


Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Still.

I am still.

Here.

Stillness

Everywhere.

Waiting...

Is the same as

Not moving,

I want to

I feel

Frozen

therefore

Stillness

Encapsulates

All of me.